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Any similarity of events and characters posted in this blog to you is purely coincidental. Don't ever assume I'm talking about you.
Profile The man with a thousand thoughts but only one voice. Who will hear me?
| dependency, are you an enabler? or are you being enabled?
Thursday, July 16, 2009 @ 5:48 PM
An enabler is a person who through his or her actions allows someone else to achieve something. A handful of people claim they are independent and some could agree with them, but independent in what way? The general understanding of independent usually means the person is not dependent on anyone financially or can support oneself without the help of other people. But they are certainly dependent on one thing are friends unless he prefers solitude. There are people who are who they are because of their friends. If you are by nature a outspoken person but if your peers are all quiet people, there is no one there to talk similar to you and if you were the only one doing so, it would be awkward, hence in that scenario there is no one enabling you to be able to be who you are, without someone else with an outspoken personality to crack the situation up, you probably wouldn't be able to manage it alone without feeling weird or awkward. There are also people who are kind hearted, but due to feeling awkward, in the event of say, an old lady needing help with bags of groceries, person A would hesitate even thought he know he needs and want to help, but a handful of people just wait for others to step in before they themselves go forward to help, in that case that person A is being enabled by another person into helping that old lady. If not for that second person, person A would probably have hesitated even longer, such situations are rare of course. Other types of enabling requires more careful observation to actually notice, such as a maybe fairly outspoken annoying person continuously makes fun of a guy in class, obviously at that persons expense, why would that outspoken person do such a thing? Could be he is just childish? I think it goes beyond that, calling him simply childish is still saving him his dignity. He did it because it makes him feel better about himself, knowing he can put someone down and that person cannot do anything about it. Usually its a subconscious act, the outspoken person himself would know the real reason behind his actions, but deep down, in his subconscious mind, he is doing it to satisfy his craving for attention and the need to know he has power over people. People like this often lack the confidence, as I've seen many people, including my own friends, who seem so outspoken during normal lessons, often making fun of the "little" guys, at first glance it would seem they are brimming with confidence and pride. But when put in front of the class for a little presentation or role play, they all turn into the most shyest person you would probably ever meet. In those cases you can clearly see, the only reason they were so outspoken and "appeared" to be brimming with confidence is because they were being enabled by their classmates, for every time they make fun of the "little" guy, everyone laughs and they get what they want, peoples attention and the feeling of power. At times these enablers can push us to do things we usually wouldn't. If for example, you were in a camp, and you had to do something silly, if the crowd did not cheer you on but just stood there and watch, not a chance in hell you would do it without feeling death was a better choice. But then the speaker would hype up the crowd to have them cheer you on, seeing people cheer you on gives you the confidence and a sense of purpose like you are doing it for the crowd. Or if you were the sort to not study, and if not for the girl you liked studying in the library as well, you probably would never willingly step in there. So for that chance to study with the girl, you push yourself to go there, and in the end you studied and scored even better AND achieved you goal of being around her. In that case, the girl was indirectly and unknowingly enabling you to study. Bottom line is, some assholes are assholes only because you allow them to be, right from the start by not doing anything you have begun the cycle of enabling which gave them the green light to say or do whatever they see fit. These people NEED "little" people, without them, they would just wither and die, ignore those assholes and you would have saved not only yourself but also stopped enabling that asshole. Stop being a tool and start becoming aware. Letting people take advantage of you even for the littlest reasons is stupid, those things add up and at the end of the day you are at the losing end.
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